What's Missing and What Am I Missing?

 

 

Joan Hartwell's Sorrow

 

Its been 4 years since Dad had passed away and I am still feeling the hurt. Its not as bad as it was when I first learn that he had passed away in the hospital. But its something that I would not want to feel again.

 

Sadly, I know that this cannot be. There will come a time that I will feel the same way if another love one would move on, and I don't want to think about it.

 

I don't get to visit Dad as much as I want to, and I feel guilty most of the time. I can't say that I don't have the time, its more of trying to escape the hurt.

 

But I steeled myself and went to Good Shepherd yesterday, it will be Father's Day tomorrow and it was Dad's death anniversary last May 24.

 

I was the only on the visiting a dearly departed, and when I sat next to him, I realized that I was missing so, so much.

 

I talked to him, told him what's been happening with me and May and his two grandchildren. I've explained why I was not around as often as I should be, I've told him I just had a fight with a neighbor a few minutes ago, and I know that if he is with us, he will never allow me to do that.

 

I was able to tell him a lot with the few minutes that I stayed, and this all somehow made me feel... content, lessening my anxiety.

 

I have been missing a lot, but I think its not too late.